Born to be grumpy

20101010 Front Door Lock 300x225 Born to be grumpyI came home from a night out the other day and opened the front door to my flat and noticed a rather grumpy looking face staring back at me, as if to say, “What time do you call this?! Close that door and let me get back to sleep!” Fair enough, it was about 1am. Turns out that’s the face it always pulls, even when I checked back the next morning. Maybe I just happened to catch him napping because I had so rudely interrupted his sleep the night before. Maybe he’s just perpetually grumpy; some people are just like … Click to read more

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Ready, Steady, Cook!

20101009 Saucepan 300x225 Ready, Steady, Cook!In the spirit of a previous post entitled Macaroni Cheese, I realised that I needed another saucepan to make my cooking extravaganzas easier. I went to my local “pan shop” in town and went straight to the saucepan department. I always fancied myself a bit of an expert in the field of pan shopping… not. One thing I do know is that the thicker the base, the better, as they tend not to buckle as easily. Again, I managed to look like a nutter in the shop, tapping various pan bases and listening to them resonate and comparing their … Click to read more

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Marketing Secrets

20101008 Dyson Airblade 300x225 Marketing SecretsThat James Dyson guy is a pretty clever chap: Take a tried and tested appliance, turn it into a frog-like face with pursed lips and market it as something high-tech! Seriously though, I think these Airblades are pretty good and they look quite sexy too. Yeah, you know they do! I find they work best if you stick your hands in from the side. Stick them in from the top and you get a blast of air propelling water droplets up your sleeves. There’s nothing worse than wet sleeves. Well, there’s plenty: war, famine, poverty… But you know what I … Click to read more

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Du bist ein verdammter Schweinhund!

20101006 Chippenham Station 300x225 Du bist ein verdammter Schweinhund!So I was at Chippenham station today and got bored of waiting for the train and surfing the web on my phone. Luckily I found a steel post with a bolt through it and some flaking paint and rust spots. Dee-dee-dee… can you tell what it is yet? It’s a bit abstract but it could be a pig. Or a dog. Or perhaps both: a Schweinhund! That brought me two minutes of joy whilst my fellow passengers were probably wondering what on earth I was doing. The art of looking like a nutcase. I have perfected it.… Click to read more

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Cry baby bunting…

20101005 Camera Case 300x225 Cry baby bunting...Whilst resting my eyes from the computer screen, trying to juggle an endless stream of emails and reinforced concrete design, I noticed the camera case looking unhappy. It’s not very clear in the picture (damn you Nokia E71 camera!) but it looks like a cute baby, except he’s not so cute, in that he’s crying. Are you hungry, little man?

Funnily enough as I am typing this, I’m listening to and a smooth jazz version of Stevie Wonder’s song “Isn’t she lovely” came on, which started with baby sounds in the background. Incidentally, if you’re reading this, boss, I … Click to read more

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Cockney Rhyming Slang

20101004 Sleeping Stapler 300x225 Cockney Rhyming SlangHave you noticed how staplers are such wasters? They sleep all day – just like cats, except cats are cute and fluffy. Hmm… just thinking about that: Stapler… waster…. stapler…. waster. Sounds like it could be Cockney rhyming slang: Allo Gov’na, just spoke to Pete on the dog ‘n’ bone. E’s gonna be late again. ‘E overslept. ‘E’s such a stapler!

Maybe not.… Click to read more

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A bodge job to be proud of…

20101004 Office Hole Punch 300x225 A bodge job to be proud of...What’s the saying about being busy and having an untidy desk? I somehow managed to tip over my hole punch at work, exposing its rather unhappy face. This particular item has suffered a lot of abuse from me already, which might explain it. One time I accidentally dropped it on the floor and the little adjustable plastic “jig” thing that allows you to punch holes dead centre snapped off. In true engineering fashion, I got a pencil and wrapped Sellotape around one end, which I rammed into the hole in the side. I then sealed the gap with Blu-tack. Now … Click to read more

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Introducing Victor Suckerbag

20100926 Vacuum Cleaner 300x225 Introducing Victor Suckerbag

Drilling into MDF creates dust and I believe it’s not the most healthy of things to inhale. Fixing my mirror resulted in only minute quantities of dust but enough to warrant getting my vacuum cleaner out of hibernation. Well, he seemed delighted, if a little shocked! Good ol’ trusty Vic with his bug eyes, and gormless open mouth. I bought him from Argos several years ago and he’s still going strong. Also notice my slippers. I think they were given to me as a a birthday present a few years ago… Oh the joy. I don’t feel old enough to … Click to read more

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Macaroni Cheese

20100926 Saucepan 300x225 Macaroni CheeseCooking is one of those things I don’t do enough of. After a long day at work and a fairly long commute home, often the last thing I want to do is cook myself a meal. In fact, I don’t often have time. I go through periods where I think to myself, “You know what? I could cook a large batch of [insert dish here] and freeze portions for when I’m busy.” Of course, the next day I’ll be busy [read: lazy] again and the nexy day, ditto… So it’ll be five days of macaroni cheese in a row… OK, … Click to read more

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Bob’s my uncle

20100926 Monkey Clips 300x225 Bobs my uncleHaving lived in my new flat for over a month without a bathroom mirror, I went into town and got myself one. I had been using a small shaving mirror, which was inadequate to be honest. This particular mirror has little eyes that you have to fix to the MDF backing with self-tapping screws. Tie a piece of string between the two and Bob’s your uncle – you have something with which to hang your mirror off a picture hook! I have an uncle Bob. His real name is actually Bob, not Robert. Anyway, I digress… I noticed that these … Click to read more

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