Tag Archives: asda

3.1415926535…

20121022 Pie face 150x150 3.1415926535...Our honorary London correspondent, Jen, sent in this photograph of a pie she (presumably) had for dinner.  She writes, “This one’s innards consists of mince beef and onion – courtesy of Asda! :-)”.  Her email had the number pi as the subject, which I thought was very clever for a human.  The only problem is that pi is wrong.  The more logically consistent circle constant is tau and it results in cleaner formulae.  We Vaxians have known about this for (Vaxian) centuries and you humans have only just cottoned on to the idea.  Again, we laugh at your primitive intellect – not too hard though, because we have a tendency to expel clouds of dust… anyway…  Jen sent in another picture of a napkin holder shown below.  Napkins sure come in handy after you’ve just devoured a delicious pie.  Too bad I’m gluten intolerant.

 

20121022 Napkin holder dispenser face 225x300 3.1415926535...

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Helga: The face that made a thousand ice-creams

20110425 Smiling ice cream maker lid 150x150 Helga: The face that made a thousand ice creams

It’s been a hot Easter here in the south-west of England and it’s come and gone for another year.

Easter has come and gone for another year and what a fantastic one it was; the weather was absolutely gorgeous and I managed to sneak in a couple of picnics.  Because of poor planning on my part I had already eaten before I turned up on both occasions but enjoyed the sunshine, the company and watching others eat: a picnic by proxy perhaps, or a proxnic.

With the Royal Wedding next week (that’s Kate Middleton and Prince William, I think…), those clever enough to have planned ahead would be benefiting from 11 days off in a row right now.  Unfortunately because of meetings I’m working this week, but it should be a fairly easy three-days.  I am banking on the fact that a lot of other people will be off and my inbox won’t be flooded with emails from people screaming information they needed “yesterday”.  You know, if only they (whoever they are) planed better they wouldn’t be panicking all the time… hey ho.

A lot of teachers will have to go back in for three days, but they will have had two weeks off, it being half term and all that.  My colleague’s fiancée is a teacher and I think she will only have worked three days in April.  I’m not entirely sure how that works…

 Chocolaty badness

So, did you gorge yourself on Easter eggs and other chocolaty badness?  I’m pleased to say I didn’t and this whole commercialisation malarkey seems to have passed me by.  I have been incredibly busy at work and I had almost forgotten it was Easter, were it not for the fact that someone reminded me.  Egg stocks at Asda had gone suspiciously low by Thursday evening, too, which was a dead giveaway.

Speaking of commercialisation, a lot of companies are taking advantage of the Royal wedding on Friday, selling all sorts of commemorative merchandise from sick bags to pies and beyond.  Good or bad?  Either way it means we get another four-day weekend – yay!

Weather 

The weather has been unseasonably warm for April and the last time I remember it being this warm around this time of the year was 1999.  But that probably tells you more about my selective memory than anything else!  Hopefully the weather will hold out; it would be nice to have a nice long summer.  But before we get our hopes up, remember the barbecue summer that was forecast for the year before last?  Whatever happened to that?

Helga: The face that made a thousand ice-creams

The item in the photograph is an ice-cream maker lid and actually belongs to an old flatmate of a friend of mine.  I took this photograph a while back when I was at his house and have been waiting for an appropriate time to post it.

The lid is smiling, perhaps in anticipation of being used to create tonnes of ice-cream this year.  Perhaps she is smiling in contentment at the fact that she has had a productive life.  Perhaps she is Helga – the face that made a thousand ice-creams.

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Do look back but with a smile

20110327 Motorbike luggage case 150x150 Do look back but with a smile

Today is the day of the British Census 2011 and also the start of British Summer Time (BST).  It marks the end of about five months of coming home from work in the dark and now the clocks have sprung an hour forward.  As a young child I always had trouble remembering which way the clocks went.  There is the mnemonic that says the clocks spring forward and fall back, where fall is used in the American sense.  The only trouble with that is that you can spring and fall in either direction so we’re none the wiser.  I also never knew when the clocks changed, as my young mind was not adept at spotting more complex patterns.  (For the record it happens on the last Sunday morning in March and October.)

So what does it all mean?

1) The clock tower on the Asda supermarket roof in Bedminster, Bristol is reading the correct time again for the first time since October.

2) My oven will now show the wrong time for the next eight months.

3) We lost an hour of our day – nay, our lives – but we usually get it back when the clocks “fall” forwards again – oh the confusion!  This year we may not get it back, as they (the powers that be) were considering keeping BST all year round.  To be fair though, this is mooted every so often and nothing has ever come of it. 

Time is a precious thing and it has the power to heal, to build and, as Albert Einstein said, to stop everything happening all at once.  Every one of us is on borrowed time – time that has been bestowed on us to do whatever we please, if you believe in free will.  Free will is a separate issue and warrants an article in its own right, but for the purposes of this article we will assume it exists and consider time from a human perspective.  There are things you don’t choose, which have an influence on your choices in life.  You don’t choose who your parents are, in what country or place you are born, what race or gender you are, what sexuality you are, how tall or good looking you are…  Clearly we are not born equal but we have equal worth and you can choose to use your time for good.

I was brought up to live life by the principles of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, although this isn’t always straightforward.  In a selfish world you have to protect yourself, look after your own interest sometimes and not let people take advantage of you.  My mother is very giving and she will bend over backwards to do things to help people – even when it is not in her own interest and severely inconveniences her.  On the other end of the spectrum there are people who take advantage of others and seem to go out of their way to hurt others for their own personal gain or satisfaction.  Generally though, I believe there is goodness in everyone and the existence of things like ambulances and charities shows that people really do value others as equals.  Even tax dodgers and burglars love.

The thing is not to bear grudges.  Anger and resentment eat away at you and the person towards whom your feelings are directed is often oblivious to this fact.  Don’t give the other person the pleasure of your pain by not feeling the pain in the first place.  Easier said than done.  I never run to catch a bus.  A minority of bus drivers seem to derive pleasure from not letting you on.  But the majority are decent people.  I was on my way to a Mexican restaurant in Bristol recently and the driver asked for £2.80 for a single, which is extortionate for a 20-minute journey.  I only had £2.50 in change and a £10 note and exclaimed, “How much?!” in disbelief.  What followed resembled a Dutch auction and the driver promptly responded, “Just give me £2,” and then gave me a pound back in change, after deciding he would give me a £1 ticket.

A wise man once told me the best way to respond to an act of kindness is to pass it on to someone else.  Yesterday I was at the supermarket and bought a pack of cooked chicken for the parley pesto I made as part of my food association experiment to use up copious quantities of parsley.  I now have an excess of Parmesan cheese, pine nuts and garlic.  The lady in front of me was unloading her basket onto the conveyor belt and, spotting that I only had one item, let me go in front.  It was a totally unexpected act of kindness and it made her happy; her happiness was the pleasure of giving her time to me.  If I had given her (or the bus) driver a six-pack of Heineken to show my gratitude it would have undone everything.

And so from buses we tenuously make a link with transport and, somewhat arbitrarily, motorbikes.  The picture shows the luggage case on the back of a motorbike.  It is looking back at the road behind and it is smiling.  We have all heard the phrase “never look back”.  But I think the past is a good learning tool, though it is not necessarily a good indicator of what will happen in the future.  One thing it is good for is telling you where we came from and the things we learnt and experienced along the way.  On life’s journey look forward.  Forgive and forget insults, don’t bear grudges and remember the compliments you receive.  When you look back, do so with a smile.  The back of the motorbike says “demonstrator”.  Hard though this can be, let’s emulate it.

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I spy…

20110130 Halogen Light Bulb 150x150 I spy...Well hello there!  A bit of admin first: We’re back and there’s a new feature!  As promised, this website is set to be about much more than just faces in inanimate objects and this is the first post in a series called “I Spy… An alternate take on reality”.  I’ve also put up another gallery and changed the menus around a bit just to annoy everyone.  🙂  This will allow for future expansion and additional features that are coming your way soon.  If you are looking for “Lolphaces” you have to navigate to “Galleries” first.

Right, admin over…  Look at the picture and what do you see?  “Why, a halogen light bulb,” I hear you cry.  You are correct and it’s a 50W one to boot.  I got a three-pack from Asda the other day, as two of the spotlights in the kitchen had blown.  Shortly after another one in the bathroom went.  Have you ever noticed how light bulbs all tend to blow at once?  I’m not an electrical engineer or an electrician, but could it be because light bulbs of the same type have a similar life span?  I tend to wait to replace light bulbs until several have gone – because I’m lazy.  Maybe it’s because when I do eventually replace them in batches they all burn out around the same time again.  Just a hypothesis.  Or maybe it’s because of an underlying electrical fault.  Answers on a postcard or in the comments below! 🙂

Okay, now it’s time to play a game of “I spy”.  Are you ready?  I spy with my little eye something beginning with “S”…  I’ll tell you: her name is Suzie Slug.  Isn’t she beautiful?  Take a good look (click picture to enlarge), but no touching! 😉  You’ll see plenty more of her later… stay tuned.

thumbs suzie slug lightbulb I spy...

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Pharmacy in the sky

20100917 Bottelinos Bedminster 300x225 Pharmacy in the sky I was on my way to Asda the other day and and looked up at the sky and noticed the tower of Bottelino’s Italian restaurant looking down at me. The slightly open round window makes it look like he’s got his mouth open, exposing his tongue. In the Netherlands they have stone or wooden figures with their mouths open outside pharmacies. They are called gapers. It kind of reminded me of that. Maybe it’s the entrance to a big pharmacy in the sky.

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