Tag Archives: photograph

Kopi Luwak

20130911 Starbucks Coffee Grinder Face 150x150 Kopi LuwakJen from London sent in this image.  It is a photograph of a photograph.  Jen says, “The picture is a photo I took of a sign on the side of a  drive thru, yes, drive thru, Starbucks shop. At Stansted airport. Are there copyright issues here??”

Well, I’d say they are getting free advertising out of this…  I have never heard of a coffee drive thru/drive through…  That’s pretty lazy, yet very convenient.  I wonder if they sell Kopi Luwak.  On my home planet we have something similar called Aqh’KapoH.  It’s basically Vaxian coffee beans eaten by blue Vaxians.  We superior red Vaxians hunt them down and slaughter them, grind up their bodies and make a drink out of the blue powder.  It’s disgusting but a lot of fun to make for all the family!

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Shake n Vac

20130708 Worried plug socket face 150x150 Shake n VacKimberley sent in this photograph of a plug socket looking slightly worried.  When I get worried I get the shakes.  It’s a bit like Shake n Vac, put the freshness back (can I have my cheque please S. C. Johnson & Son?)… but without the vacuuming.

I always seem to shake at 50 Hz as well; maybe it’s because I tap into these power sockets for an energy boost.  They all seem to run at 50 Hz around here.

Anyway, I’m going to go back to sleep now, people.  Thanks Kimberley!!

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Merry Christmas!

20121225 Grilled Tomato Face 150x150 Merry Christmas!The man recently celebrated his 30th birthday and I wasn’t invited.  I found this photograph of a rather tasty looking grilled tomato on his phone, which was taken at his birthday meal.  Speaking of birthdays, today some of you Earthlings celebrate the birth of some bloke called Jesus.  My knowledge of Earth history isn’t that great, but I understand he liked wine.  Merry Christmas to those of you who give a toss!

Today also happens to be the Vaxian feast of Kh’ali’Qan.  It involves inhaling lots and lots of “spice” and generally doing bugger all.  I can’t remember the origins of the feast but I believe it has something to do with the battle our Great General fought in.  Of course, the Vaxian army won.

Right, I’m going to go back to doing bugger all in honour of our beloved General.  See you all soon!


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Unidentified Bar Snack

20121024 Unidentified bar snack face 150x150 Unidentified Bar SnackAnna sent the man this photograph with words along the lines of, “I saw this ugly piece of crap and it reminded me of your face”.  Actually it was, “I saw this and thought of you,” but I think my version sounds better; the man is a filthy pig, not to mention ugly.  But then all humans are ugly and I much prefer cats.

Anyway, further clarification was given, “Found on a pub table. Unidentified bar snack”.  It sounds like the perfect food for Vaxians.  That’s what  most of my food is: discarded unidentified bits of human food seasoned with skin flakes and fluff.  I love Earth food.  That’s one of the reasons I stay here.  Also, human stupidity makes me feel superior.

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Is it a shark? Is it a whale?

20121024 Stapler dog whale shark face 150x150 Is it a shark? Is it a whale?My regular readers and Facebook friends (add me on Facebook so you can poke me!) know I love cats.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because they are so fluffy…  Or maybe it’s because they are more intelligent than humans.  I love all animals for that reason.  Speaking of animals, Gideon, a hotel manager from Amsterdam, sent me this photograph.  He sees a “shark or a whale or whatever”.  I do too!

Nice picture! Keep ’em coming! 🙂

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20121022 Pie face 150x150 3.1415926535...Our honorary London correspondent, Jen, sent in this photograph of a pie she (presumably) had for dinner.  She writes, “This one’s innards consists of mince beef and onion – courtesy of Asda! :-)”.  Her email had the number pi as the subject, which I thought was very clever for a human.  The only problem is that pi is wrong.  The more logically consistent circle constant is tau and it results in cleaner formulae.  We Vaxians have known about this for (Vaxian) centuries and you humans have only just cottoned on to the idea.  Again, we laugh at your primitive intellect – not too hard though, because we have a tendency to expel clouds of dust… anyway…  Jen sent in another picture of a napkin holder shown below.  Napkins sure come in handy after you’ve just devoured a delicious pie.  Too bad I’m gluten intolerant.


20121022 Napkin holder dispenser face 225x300 3.1415926535...

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Sleeping Stapler

20120717 Stapler face 150x150 Sleeping StaplerJohn sent in this photograph of his office stapler!  The stapler appears to be asleep, totally oblivious to the fact that it has just been opened up.

I wish I could sleep at work… Actually, I don’t really work.  I just sleep in the airing cupboard all day and when I am put to work, it’s more of a feeding frenzy.  I hate it how humans call me a vacuum cleaner though.  That’s a dirty word…

Thanks again John!

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Essex Girls Like Bags…

20120612 Lakeside Shopping Centre Essex Handbag Face 150x150 Essex Girls Like Bags...

..all generalisations are true and 47.4% of all statistics are made up by illegal aliens like me.  I love it when people send me emails with pictures and this week has been Essex Galore.  This photograph was sent in by sisters Jen and Sal, who were out shopping at the Lakeside Shopping Centre in Essex.  It depicts a handbag face, rather like the one taken in France in the post Fluorescothugs Suck Bags, but this one is rather more “laid back and couldn’t really give a hoot about things” in the words of Jen and Sal.  Great spot, ladies!  More from Essex up next.

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Abu Hamza, Babar Ahmad and Chocolate Cake

20120410 Face of steel and grout 150x150 Abu Hamza, Babar Ahmad and Chocolate CakeSam sent in this photograph, which the editor has been meaning to upload for a while now but his computer broke.  He’s such a lazy twat, so I’ve taken it upon myself to upload it, as no-one else will.

Hey, did you hear the news about Abu Hamza and Babar Ahmad today?  Outsourcing justice to the US?  In my language on my planet, Abu Hamza and Babar Ahmad are types of chocolate cake.  I once baked an Abu Hamza and Babar Ahmad for my brother’s birthday.  We devoured the lot in under 10 seconds, that’s how delicious they were.  We used a recipe I found on the internet…

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What a load of rubbish!

20110829 Wheelie bin with face sneaking up on us 150x150 What a load of rubbish!

I love it when readers send in pictures.  A bit of interactivity makes this job more interesting and I’m always intrigued to see other people’s observations.  Nick from Bristol, has sent in pictures before and his hunt for faces seems to be unstoppable.  He is, what I call, a bona fide venarifaçadeur.

Nick sent in this very artistic photograph of a wheelie bin.  I have often walked past wheelie bins like this and thought they were an eye short of a face, as they have one offset bracket resembling a right eye and a large bracket resembling a mouth, but no left eye.  This masterful artistic photograph creates the impression of a left eye through partial obscurement by another wheelie bin.  The bags sticking out of the top create the impression of hair parted down the middle, again the existence of the left side suggested by the fact that it is partially hidden from view.  Nick’s says, “This bin tried to sneak up on me last night.  I spotted him tho [sic]!”  I don’t know where the photograph was taken but it looks suspiciously likeWhiteladies Road, Bristol.

Nick’s choice of gender is interesting; initially I would have said it was a “she”, but I can kind of see where he’s coming from.  It’s a bit of a pretty-boy-floppy-curtains hairdo of the 90s – maybe like a Backstreet Boys thing; not that I know who they, you understand… 

Rubbish in rubbish out 

But there is a link in the above:  This head is effectively full of bags of rubbish and what do heads full of rubbish generate?  Rubbish; it’s self-perpetuating.  This same idea has applications in science, where the adage of “gigo – garbage in, garbage out” holds true.  It doesn’t matter how good your formula or scientific model, if your input data is wrong, the output will be wrong – often by a much larger margin of error.  Weather systems are chaotic like this, which explains why it is beautifully sunny here today when it was absolutely pissing it down yesterday.  In structural engineering, if a mistake is made, it is often the assumed loading that is incorrect.

Theory of relativity

But what is rubbish?  Rubbish in its generic day-to-day form is something that looks like black plastic bags, which may or may not be in a container – a bin.  Ask someone to draw a picture of rubbish and that is probably what they will draw.  Rubbish suggests something that is bad or undesirable. 

A lot of good things get thrown out with the rubbish: metals, recyclable plastics and paper and compostable organics to name a few.  What is rubbish to one person actually has a use elsewhere.  To me an empty plastic bottle is rubbish, but to a bottle recycling plant or companies like Recresco, it is a raw material and a source of money. 

Computers and electronics contain gold in higher concentrations than some mines.  A broken iPhone, flatscreen TV or Playstation 2 may be useless to us, but in vast quantities this e-waste can generate a tidy profit.

If I wrapped a load of gold bullion in a bin bag and put it out by the roadside and asked someone what they saw, their response would likely be, “rubbish”.

Rubbish, it seems, is a relative concept.

Foreign objects

The above reminds me of another thought I had a while ago.  If you spill curry on your T-shirt, you will most likely end up with a stain – a negative word to describe the foreign matter on your item of clothing.  But the stain is made up of curry, which is delicious and nutritious, so how can this be bad?  Similarly, if you took a piece of fluff from your T-shirt and mixed it into your vindaloo, you’d be complaining about a foreign object in your food.  But again, this fluff in large quantities is used to make clothing, so how can this be bad?  Japanese knotweed was once seen as an ornamental plant.

Fluff is actually delicious.  I love the stuff under the sofa – I call it spice.

At the end of the day, it is about context.  But what do I care?  If I can suck it up I’ll eat it!

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